6 Months

I can't believe it has been 6 months already. Yesterday marked 6 months since I last heard your heartbeat. Today marks 6 months we found out you had past. Tomorrow marks 6 months since we got to see you, hold you, kiss you for the first and last time. It is still hard to think that that was really the LAST time we would hold you. We were suppose to have years of snuggles, and kisses. I have been thinking a lot about who you would be now. Would you have kept your blue eyes? Would your hair be long and unruly? Would be chubby like Aidyn or skinny like Zack? What would your favorite toy be? What would make you laugh the most? Most days I want to scream to everyone I have a daughter she is in heaven. Then other days I want to keep your memory to myself. I don't want to dredge up those feelings. These past 6 months have been the hardest 6 months of my life. I am so tired! I can't imagine how it will feel 6 months from now, when you should be turning 1. Or 6 years from now. The pain will never go away.  I hope you are having fun up there Sydney, because we miss you a whole ton down here.