Sydney's sorrow: 2 months.....

Tuesday was 2 months from the last time I heard your heart. Yesterday was 2 months since we found out your heart no longer beat and our hearts broke into a million pieces. Today is 2 months since the first and last time we saw you. Two months since we kissed you for the first and last time. Two months since we held you, hugged you, smelled your hair, oh how I wish I could be putting ponies in that hair right now. You had so much curly hair just like your brother Zack. You would be so precious with all the hats Mommy and your Auntie Liz picked out. I miss you so much everyday. I am finding it harder and harder to sleep at night, I can't stop thinking of who you would be right now. You would be 2 months old today, you would be learning to smile and laugh. You would find your brother hilarious and probably a bit annoying. But man would they love you, you would get so many kisses and hugs. I really hope you are having a good Christmas in Heaven. I hope Uncle Seth is reading to you and playing hide and seek with you. I hope he is telling to stories about your Momma. I miss you both so much.

As for us here on earth... We are holding on. The tears still flow, though mine are not so much anger tears anymore as just sad. I know you are happy and health where you are. I wish you could be here with us but that was not in the bigger plan. One day I will see you again and when I do you better be prepared for me to never let go. I go back to work in a few weeks and I am scared that I will have a moment at work. Your Daddy went back almost a month ago. I think in a way it helps it. He has something else to concentrate on but I know that often his thoughts go right back to you. Daddy is still angry that you were taken from us. So he needs you to give him heavenly kisses and tell him it will be ok.