Denial

The last couple days I have been in denial about everything. I sit on the the couch and think about everything that has happened and it just seems so far from reality. I know in my heart that it was real life, but in my mind I keep thinking I must have dreamed everything. I forget that I was pregnant, crazy enough I have already forgot what it feels like to be pregnant. I almost wish that I could live with this denial for the rest of my life, but I know that is not fair to Sydney, or family. I can see to Dave the loss is very real and very raw and it kills me that I can't take that pain away. He only got to hold his daughter for a little bit, while I held her for 9 months.

The company is dying down and as much as I know we need to learn a new normal it is scary that we have to be left alone with the grief. I am extremely grateful for everyone that has come to see how we are doing, and keep us company. I wish Dave had more family and friends up here because sometimes even though we have someone here for both of us he feels alone.

As a side note to all my east coast friends. Stay safe and I am thinking about you as this "frankenstorm" goes through.